How To Love Your Enemies With 10 Practical Steps

Loving our enemies is a challenge in our Christian life. In the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus tells us we are to “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” As followers of Jesus in the modern, real world, how do we love our enemies? We are going to explore the best way to follow this passage of Scripture.

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An enemy is someone who is actively opposed or antagonistic towards you. Whether the pain they inflict is emotional, physical, or both, responding with loving feelings isn’t the first thing we think of.

Maybe the hurt was a betrayal from a good friend or even a best friend or family members.

The Biblical Mandate to Love Our Enemies

Where in the Bible does it say to love your enemies?

Jesus taught extensively on the subject, starting in Matthew Chapter 5:44 and was crystal clear:  

“But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be the sons of your Father in heaven.”

Luke’s Gospel records this:

“But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” Luke 6:27-28.

Solomon also gives us this Old Testament proverb to live by: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.” Proverbs 25:21.

And John reminds us of our call to love: “If anyone says, ‘I love God’, yet hates his brother, he is a liar.” 1 John 4:20.

The real test of this level of love for God is how we treat others. The teachings of Jesus in the New Testament tell us to love our enemies and treat them with kindness, blessings, and prayer. Jesus is teaching us it is more important to extend mercy than to receive it.

Why Should We Love Our Enemies?

 The first reason is because Jesus asks us to, and He has perfect reasoning-

1) We show the love of God when we love our enemies.  

“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” Matthew 7:12 

The Golden Rule Jesus formulated is the kind of love God shows to us every day. It is our moral obligation to love our enemies, as love is the fulfillment of the Law.

We are His ambassadors to show others His meaning of love. The love of Jesus is not dependent on our difficult emotions or negative feelings, but loving in the way Jesus did, despite our feelings and regardless of people’s actions. This takes a conscious effort to act in their best interests.

2) Loving our enemies sets us apart from the world.

“He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?” Matthew 5:45-47.

If we love our enemies and treat them well, we truly show that Jesus is Lord of our life. 

3) We overcome evil with good.

“Do not repay anyone evil for evil… If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone… Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Romans 12:17,18, 21.

Does this seem possible in the world today? Repaying evil with evil hurts us as much as it hurts our enemy.

Forgiving our enemy (even if they never repent) is a protection for us. It frees us from the destructive and heavy load of bitterness, hatred, and seeking revenge.

This can be an arduous task. We need the supernatural help of the Holy Spirit to help us show love to those whom we may not feel love. 

4) We acknowledge and trust God as the only rightful Judge. 

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” Matthew 7:1-2.

Our desire should not be to keep score, but to love and forgive. Treating them with kindness and love doesn’t excuse their misdeeds.

We are to leave our enemy in His hands, loving them as He loved us. Remember, before our salvation, “We were God’s enemies, but he made us his friends through the death of His Son.” Romans 5:10a. 

When we feel attacked or hurt, it’s hard to respond with God’s love. But our Heavenly Father says to let Him deal with our enemies.

Only He can judge, and He doesn’t need our input on how it should look. We are to leave our enemy in His hands, loving them as He loved us.

How Jesus Modeled Loving His Enemies

Jesus faced incredible opposition in his life. His enemies were out to discredit, harass, and eventually kill him. 

~ He prayed for forgiveness for the people putting Him to death, including those pounding nails into His hands and feet- “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34. 

~ Jesus healed the servant of the High Priest during His arrest- “When Jesus’ followers saw what was going to happen, they said, “Lord, should we strike with our swords?” And one of them struck the servant of the high priest, cutting off his right ear. But Jesus answered, “No more of this!” And he touched the man’s ear and healed him.” Luke 22:49-51.

~ He dined with sinners and tax collectors, showing grace to those despised by society- “ While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house, many tax collectors and sinners came and ate with him and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, “Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?” On hearing this, Jesus said, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice. For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” Matthew 9:10-13.

He didn’t just teach about love for all people, but showed it in extravagant ways.

The Consequences of Not Loving Our Enemies

Let’s talk for a moment about what happens when we don’t love our enemies.

Paul (who had to convince his own people he was no longer their enemy!) warns us to “Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.” Hebrews 12:15b.

It can cause great anxiety, sleepless nights, a bitter and angry spirit, and affect those who we love and care about.

There is danger is letting anger take root- “In your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” Ephesians 4:26-27.

We can feel anger, but we must handle it properly. Words hurled in anger hurt others and destroy relationships. We get stuck in cycles of hurt which prevent healing.

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10 Practical Steps to Love Your Enemies

Bitterness against our enemies doesn’t always manifest itself in hate, but other actions are just as destructive. We may complain or criticize, or use jabs or sarcasm when speaking of them or to them.

Since none of these are loving, here are some practical and real-world ways you can love your enemies:

1) Pray- The first step is to pray. Instead of ruminating on the hurt they caused, take a deep breath and pray for your enemy. Bless them by offering this simple prayer: “Jesus, please bless_____.”

Each time your enemy comes to mind, replace the negative chatter in your head with prayer. Pray that Jesus Christ will work mightily to soften their heart and open their eyes. Pray they will be convicted and repent. 

It’s hard to think revengeful thoughts as you offer a prayer. It puts our focus on God and His good plan for our healing and spiritual growth. 

2) Bless Them Through Actions- look for opportunities to serve them or show kindness. Jesus tells us to “do good” to them. That may simply be a smile, a wave, a friendly hello, or sincerely wishing them well.

3) Avoid Gossip- and negative talk about them. Speak about them with respect and compassion to promote understanding, even if you disagree. Resist personal attacks.

4) Forgive- Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself and a direct command from God. This Bible verse reminds us to “bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13. 

The key is remembering how much God has forgiven you. Remembering His infinite love and forgiveness towards you can help you forgive others. 

5) Honor your Emotions- but don’t let them overtake you. Our feelings aren’t wrong- even Jesus showed us His. He stayed with His closest friends during difficult times, named His emotions, and went to His Father in prayer.

He didn’t deny His emotions, ignore them, or erupt in anger. Don’t let yours overpower what you know to be true about God.

6) Remember God’s Love for You- Before we even came to Him, God loved us. “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8.

He loves us at our worst- you, me, and our enemies. When I struggle with finding common ground with an enemy, I remember Jesus is loving both of us.

7) Keep an Eternal Perspective- Let Him give you the insight to see your enemy with His eyes; a fellow human being deserving dignity and respect. We are all created in the image of God and in need of salvation. He wants no one to perish.

8) Set Boundaries- It helps me to understand that the love Jesus is talking about doesn’t always mean affection or feelings of love. It doesn’t mean letting others continue to hurt us.  

He wants us to put strong, protective boundaries into place. He wants us to find people to help us heal through the hurt. Jesus wants us to feel safe and secure.

9) Surrender- Put your enemy in His hands; let God be judge and jury. It’s a positive choice we can choose that allows peace and rest to come over us.

Jesus watches carefully, and He sees how other people treat us. Trust His perfect justice and mercy to transform hearts.

10) Seek Support and encouragement- Take care of challenging emotions by sharing your daily struggles with a trusted Christian friend/mentor/counselor for support and Godly advice.

Why Loving Your Enemies is Worth It

Loving our enemies goes against our human nature. We will continue to be hurt, disrespected, betrayed and mistreated in this life. The existence of hate and disrespect originated with human beings’ creation! (i.e. Cain and Abel…)

Remind yourself of who the real enemy is in each situation. Satan wants us to be at war with each other and within ourselves. The last thing he wants us to do is to heal or bless and love our enemies!

Trusting in the power of God and seeking wisdom in His Word helps us develop the boundless love Jesus modeled. As we continue the great work to choose love, we reflect God’s character and bring Him glory. 

Loving our enemies can ultimately lead to reconciliation and healing- a beautiful testimony to the power of God’s love.

Blessings!

AnnMarie

Photo Credit: Canva

All Scripture is taken from the New International Version unless specified otherwise.

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